16 October 2010

20 things I’m glad I’m not

I’m glad I’m not:

1. a cockroach – the female mates only once and is pregnant for the rest of her life

2. a dentist, gynaecologist or proctologist – everybody would hate me and I'd have to spend my life poking around in strangers’ orifices

3. a tastebud – it only lives ten days

4. a teenager – you can keep all that drama and angst; once was plenty

5. bored – boredom is my idea of Hell

6. someone's appendix – just a pointless existence, really

7. the letter Q – the least used letter and often the cause of me losing Scrabble games

8. Justin Bieber – he’s a tosser

9. Muslim – women and Islam are just not a good combination (besides, I’d look crap in a burqua)

10. toilet paper, pads or tampons – if I need to explain that one, there’s something wrong with you

11. Susan Blyth Neill-Fraser – I reckon she's having a pretty shit day, today

12. a fly – after eating, a fly regurgitates its food and then eats it again (ick!)

13. poor – hello? Myer sale, bling, holidays, hair product, architects, Maldini...

14. dead – I’m too busy to die

15. fat – or really tiny for that matter, not being able to buy clothes off the rack would suck

16. Hold With Hope (Greenland) – this has got to be the place with the stupidest name in the world; at least Lord Berkeley's Knob (Scotland) and Middle Intercourse Island (Australia) have the rude factor going for them

17. freelancing anymore – now I have extra time to fill up with new activities to spike my blood pressure and exhaust me

18. Comic Sans – the world’s most loathed font (don't forget to vote in the poll on the right)

19. aspic –  aspic is such a Neville no-friends, everyone leaves it on the paté plate

20. an emo – being an apathetic yet melodramatic teen with hair constantly in your face, ridiculous clothes and barely intelligible affected music in your ears sounds too much like hard work.

1 comment:

  1. Enjoying all of these :P Can't figure out which one I like the best... :)

    ReplyDelete