Answer these nine questions to find out:
1. Have you ever shredded someone’s entire wardrobe, ordered 20 pizzas and had them delivered to someone’s house or super-glued parts of another person's anatomy together?
Yes? You are probably not stupid, just bitter. Stalking is so undignified. Face facts and move on.
2. Have you ever flashed your bare chest at passing traffic, drunk a bottle of Tabasco sauce, eaten cat food, shaved off your eyebrows or phoned a death threat through to The Lodge?
Yes? You are probably not stupid, just competitive. You don’t have to do every dare that comes your way, you know. ‘Prudence’ is not a dirty word. (And if you don't quit with the death threats, someone will come and arest you.)
3. Have you ever lit your farts, had a coin or a pencil stuck up your nose or shaken up someone’s Coke?
Yes? You are probably not stupid, just immature. Grow up, already.
4. Have you ever believed the government would save your butt from marauding aliens, decided to investigate a strange noise and been maimed by creatures from outer space or tried to buy your way on to an escape spaceship as earth disintegrates around you?
Yes? You are probably not stupid, just delusional. Reality check: you are not a character in a sci fi movie. Get back to work.
5. Have you ever sat in your car in the middle of a busy parking lot and when a car passed, pointed a hair dryer at it; gone to a toy store, found items that make noise and sat in the middle of an aisle pressing all of the buttons over and over again; stood behind a person eating a chilli dog or baked beans and made fart noises?
Yes? You are probably not stupid, just sick. I have two words for you: therapy. Pronto.
6. Do you ever pretend you're a robot, try to swallow your tongue, make car noises as you walk or make Star Trek door noises by the lift?
Yes? You are probably not stupid, just bored. Find something constructive to do – bake biscuits, chop some wood or discover a cure for cancer.
7. Have you ever placed every dollar you own on red, torched your house or joined a pyramid scheme?
Yes? You are probably not stupid, just greedy. News flash: get rich quick schemes don’t work. Get a piggy bank like a normal person.
8. Have you ever said ‘I just have too much going on to really get serious right now’, ‘I don’t want to fall in love with you because I can’t have you’ or ‘I’m not married in my heart’?
Yes? You are probably not stupid but you sure have a Y chromosome. Does anyone really buy these lines?
9. Have you ever pretended to sneeze on people you don't know, photocopied your butt, dyed your hair with household bleach, declared there's a bomb on your plane, burgled someone and left your ID behind or done anything that was subsequently broadcast on a funny home video TV show?
Yes? You are probably stupid.
Image: br3akthru
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