I don't care if hair product gives you green babies

A few weeks ago, when I cleaned out my bathroom cupboard, I threw out an overstuffed supermarket bag of hair products I had only used once or twice because they didn’t work on my hair.

Every day, I get out of bed, wash my hair and condition it. Maybe I do a toner. Maybe I do a treatment. My hair’s still too knotty to drag a comb through, so I add leave-in conditioner. I dry my hair. I straighten it. And when I try to pin it up, it’s too clean and it flies everywhere. So, I add some combination of mousse, wax, texturiser, styling spritz or hairspray. Then it looks dull, so I add spray-on shine.

All this before breakfast.

I’m not going to comment on whether hair product:
• causes cancer
• makes your hair smoke when you straighten it
• makes you go bald
• makes you have green babies.

What I am going to comment on is the brainwashing that has us all washing our hair every day when half the time it probably wouldn’t even be dirty, only we’ve dumped a whole bunch of gunk in after washing it, essentially to make it dirty enough to work with. (Yes, it may smell like a caramel milkshake or an ‘ocean breeze’ but your product still probably contains sheep placenta or gas-relief medicine and still basically dirties your hair.)

All this so we can hand over our dosh to the Schwarzkopf or Pantene people.

And I haven’t even started on hair dye or bleach.

It’s a marketing conspiracy.

No, I’m not suggesting you turn in to some smelly feral and I don’t even believe in having ugly hair for the sake of the planet, but do pause and think about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Surely we’re too savvy to believe Cosmopolitan has all the answers. And surely this kind of excess and waste is just OTT.

If you spent less on hair goop, think of all the money you could save to buy more chocolate, upsize your holiday or save for your retirement.

Maybe wash your hair every second day, maybe cut down on the amount of hair crap you plaster on your head and maybe stop believing every new product on the supermarket or salon shelf is going to turn your hair in to Jennifer Aniston’s or otherwise make your life complete.

And when you do clean out your bathroom cupboard, give your cast offs to your sisters, mum or friends to try. The pretty-smelling glop might make your hair look like an oily mop or a frizzy clown wig but maybe sheep placenta is just the thing for your friend’s locks. It’s not charity, it’s not condescending, it’s thoughtful, thrifty and, yes, it’s earth-friendly. Besides, then your friend can worry about the green babies.

Image: Graeme Weatherston