*GUEST POST* Kaitie’s blind date no-nos

A big welcome to Kaitie who is developing many new talents, from buying frilly blouses to blogging. Today, we are privileged to enjoy Kaitie’s inaugural foray in to Monstress-land as she shares her sage advice on blind dating:

DON’T:

1. Compare
When you're teeing up the date, don’t compare yourself to anyone famous. ‘I am Emily Deschanel meets David Boreanaz,’ is something my ego can definitely handle, but my date wouldn’t recognise me in a fit. If you really look like Jessica Alba or joke like Will Ferrell, let your date enjoy the happy surprise.

2. Wear crap
Don’t spend the whole night remembering not to raise your arm because a moth ate your shirt’s armpit or monitoring how many bites of lettuce you can ingest before your dress bursts like the Hoover Dam.

3. Talk exes
Don’t mention your last boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/mistress/booty call six hundred times…or even once, if you can help it.

4. Succumb to ego
Don’t talk about yourself too much. Paradoxically, one of the best ways to get someone to pay attention to you is to ask them lots of questions. The other advantage of this cunning tactic is that you get to find out about them and figure out if you actually like them.

5. Crystal ball gaze
Don’t wistfully mention baby names you adore or what colour you want to paint your picket fence. We all know it is important to find out if possible relationship candidates share the same goals, but not on the first date…or even the second. And when you do go the goal route, maybe start with your next DVD purchase or your new cardio program. 

6. Wander
Don’t check out other people. Imagine your date saying, ‘You know, if you hurry, you can get that babe to autograph the bucket of drool you’re accumulating, as we speak. Go ahead, I’ll wait.’ Not cool.

7. Drink too much

Think Blind date with Kim Basinger and Bruce Willis. She is the girl of his dreams until, at his prompting, she has a bit too much champagne. Before you know it, he’s lost his suit, job, apartment, car and reputation. Okay, this is over the top, but throwing up in his car or passing out on her front porch are not going to win you any brownie points.

8. Assume

Don’t assume your date will grab the bill. No matter who invites whom, it’s always a nice gesture to offer to pay for half. If you really loathe your date, think of paying your share as tidying up loose ends.

9. Boink

The first date rule is the first date rule for a reason. Girls: don’t give away your mystique too soon. Guys: don’t be sleazy. Anticipation is the name of the game. Besides, sometimes it takes three meets to realise your date is a neurotic emotional vampire with the IQ of a Brussels sprout and a fetish for licking inflatable pool toys.