Feeling fine with flunking

We’ve all heard the legendary story from IBM where a middle manager made a mistake that cost the company three quarters of a million dollars. He went to the CEO’s office to admit his mistake and took with him his resignation letter. The CEO declined to accept the letter and said, 'Why would I want to sack someone I just spent $750,000 training?'

I don’t think my boss would take such a philosophical view – but what a great story!

We’re always busting our gut to reach some destination called ‘success’. But sometimes we forget that failure is often the road we need to take to get there.

Many times the things we call ‘mistakes’ are not really mistakes at all.  They are strategies that didn’t work. Actions we took that had different outcomes from what we predicted. Thomas Edison said, ‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.’

Also, success is just an idea – something you made up (or, worse, something someone else made up for you). It's what you feel inside that measures your success. Don't measure your inside against someone else's outside.

Success is completely subjective. For one person, having $5,000 in the bank is the realisation of a lifelong goal; for another person, having $5,000 in the bank is a catalyst for suicide.

Even the most successful people fail sometimes. Einstein was once advised to drop out of school. Henry Ford's first car business flopped. Beethoven's music teacher told him he was a hopeless composer. And Babe Ruth struck out a record 1,300 times. Thomas Edison was considered nearly insane for his invention ideas. And Walt Disney was once fired for lack of imagination.

And finally, sometimes when we actually achieve what we set out to – that is, we succeed – we find the outcome is not what we wanted after all. Inversely, sometimes our mistakes and failures turn out to be blessings in disguise. Who knows how this turn of events will change your life path?

Here are six ways to feel okay about yourself (even if you made a big mistake):

1.   Admit it. This is no time for justifications and excuses. Bite the bullet and confess to yourself and others that you screwed up. Until you acknowledge that you blew it, you can’t move on.

2.   Make it right. This is no time for pride to get in the way. Apologise to others affected by your mistake. Make restitution, if necessary. Put strategies in place to make sure you won’t make the same mistake again. Do it over, if you can.

3.   Consider ways this mistake could help you. Did you learn something to do or not to do? Did you find out something about yourself? Did the mistake make you think about new approaches and directions for the future that you wouldn’t have considered before?

4.   Handle the fallout with, grace, dignity and aplomb. Trying to cover it up, chucking a tantrum, doing the 'woe is me' routine or throwing in the towel are not cool. Persistence and resilience are  the spades you need to dig yourself out of the hole you're in.

5.   Give yourself a compliment. Tell yourself: ‘My plan didn't work, but I learnt heaps along the way’ or ‘I really mucked that up big time but I was brave enough to step way out of my comfort zone’.

6.   Forgive yourself and let it go. No matter what mistakes you have made, you're only human. Maybe you burnt your mum's house down or ran over your neighbour's toddler. It’s absolutely normal to stuff things up from time to time. Build a bridge, baby.

Maybe there are people out there who have never made any mistakes – they are boring people with small lives. I guarantee it.