1. Patchwork
Nicotine patches help you quit smoking. Birth control patches defer your ‘mum’ status. And diet patches supposedly transmit key weight loss ingredients through your skin, suppressing your appetite and controlling your metabolism.
Why not just put a Dora the Explorer bandaid on your arm? It will probably have the same effect and it will look cuter.
2. Feeling blue
Blue-tinted diet sunglasses are supposed to make your food look less appealing, so you eat less of it (sort of like beer goggles in reverse). I don’t know about your food, but they’ll certainly make you less appealing, even if you do get skinnier (Bolle’s they’re not - fashion factor, zero). Besides, blue pizza might be a great new taste sensation.
3. Get forked
The diet fork is a plastic fork that supposedly helps control your food intake because it is smaller, duller and less comfortable to use than your average fork. (No need to buy one, just go to the food court and lift one.) You can also get diet chopsticks.
4. Staple diet
For $55 you can have a metal staple pierced into the cartilage of your ear and it will allegedly suppress your appetite (and if you’re going for that ‘trashy rebel’ look, it can be a fashion statement, too). Even if it doesn’t work, I guess that’s $55 you won’t spend at Macca’s.
5. Washed up
Wash your fat away with seaweed slimming soap. According to manufacturers, the algae extract in the soap penetrates the skin and breaks down fat, tightens skin, increases metabolism and reduces cellulite. If this ‘ancient Chinese weight loss method’ doesn't decrease your fat, at least you’ll be clean.
Call me crazy, but here’s a wild weight loss idea – you could *gasp* eat less and...I don’t know...exercise more!
Image: Ian Kahn (doctored by The Monstress)
Maybe instead of the staple in the ear, try one across the lips?
ReplyDeleteTehehe =D
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