At the beginning of this winter, my boots from last season were still in good nick (mainly because they were a bit loose and, therefore, uncomfortable, so I hadn’t worn them very much) and the whole flat boot fashion had emerged. Flat boots look great – on everybody except me. On me, they look like gumboots. Mainly because I have skinny calves.
So, I didn’t buy new boots, figuring the old ones would last one more season.
But here we are, not even at the end of August, with a good six to eight weeks of boot-wearing weather to go, and I’ve gone through the leather on the toes of the sloppy last season boots (I was actually colouring in the toes of these boots with a DVD marker the other morning – this practice is okay when you are 17 but is not so cool when you’re 40).
On the plus side, every boot in the city is on sale.
On the minus side:
• most shops have every size but mine
• most of the non-flat boots for sale have studs, laces, six inch heels or fold-over tops that make the wearer look like a combination of puss in boots or a wannabe porn-star (come to think of it, these are pretty much the same thing).
Add to the mix the fact that today’s boots, seem to be designed for women with calves the size of small South American countries, and I find myself in dire straits.
Forums suggest:
• soft, stretchy fabrics - great, I am penalised for my slender legs by being forced to buy synthetic footwear; I can picture the foot sweat pooling now
• buying boots and having them taken in at a leather shop – not only do I have to fork out for boots but I then have to fork out for boot tailoring – more penalties for resisting chocolate, cake and chips
• getting boots custom made – sure, as soon as I figure out how to scrape the puddle formerly known as my credit card off the counter.
I’m so desperate, I’m considering stuffing the toes of size 10s with tissues or possibly wearing a couple of pairs of footy socks. Or I could take more drastic measures like:
• going on a 3,000 calorie per day diet
• living on protein supplements and doing lower leg exercises 10 hours a day
• getting calf implants.
Alternatively, I’ll just pop down to K&D and buy a pair of wellies. Might start a new trend.
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