Size matters

Dear [eBay seller],

Thank you for sending the ‘silver and black swirly sequined party or nightclub dress' I purchased. It arrived within expected timeframes and in excellent condition. The item was exactly as you described it, except for two aspects.

You said that ‘The front of the dress (when worn) reaches just above the knee or middle of the thigh.’

You also said ‘Dress size is an Australian medium according to the tag, and would fit a size 10-12. The fabric has a bit of give in it so it may fit a smaller 14. I am a size 10-11ish and it hung a bit loose.‘

Like you, I would describe myself as a size 10-11ish. However, when I put the dress on, it clung unforgivingly to every curve (along the lines of Glad wrap) and was so short you could practically see what I had eaten for breakfast. If I were a size 14 (small or otherwise), I would have looked like a fat sausage (and may well have exploded like one, too).

Clearly, you are an anorexic midget.

Cheers,
The Monstress

PS Incidentally, in a nod to my inner tramp, I wore the dress anyway.