Imagine this: you wake up one sunny morning and open you email. Nothing happens. You click on your browser. You get lots of black – no websites, not even any errors. You check all your connections. Everything looks okay. And then you hear the news on the radio – the real radio, not streaming radio – the internet has been eaten by aliens.
This eventuation totally and instantly reshapes your life:
1. The publishing industry is ecstatic – you will have to buy newspapers again.
2. Australia Post is thrilled – you will have to snail mail your far away friends.
3. You will have to use recipe books and write shopping lists rather than SMS-ing pantry needs to your phone.
4. You will have ugly shoes and boring clothes – you’ll have to fly to Melbourne if you want real things to wear.
5. But you’ll need to book your flights and accommodation through a real travel agent – like, an actual person.
6. And you’ll need cash and a cheque book and will have to stand in bank queues again – there’ll be no EFT.
7. You’ll have to buy one of those twee birthday calendars that hangs on the back of the toilet door without Facebook to remind you who’s celebrating.
8. You’ll have to buy CDs.
9. If you want to research something, you’ll have to go to the library. It will take forever to know anything.
10. You will have to receive The Monstress by carrier pigeon.
Image: Simon Howden
My god, if you are allergic to pidgeon poop you will never see the monstressedout one again.....
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